you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
