I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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