i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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