So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
