hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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