12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
