I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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