I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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