So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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