I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
