i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
