I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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