There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
