I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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