Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I fill condoms, not promises.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dick very happy bro
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