Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
