You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
