I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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