dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
