i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize