she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
not ubering you a puppy
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