Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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