I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
