I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
