the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
