We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
