Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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