I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
