you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
