I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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