Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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