And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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