So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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