so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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