perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
