New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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