Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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