i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
