Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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