she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
