Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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