ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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