So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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