My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
