While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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