what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
