You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
