Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
