it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
