my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
