dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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