Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
