i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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