it's like iHOP with fire
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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