So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
