walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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