you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
