it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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