Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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