There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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