Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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