Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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