i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
