i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
