Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize