I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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