So drunk its hurt
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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