He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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