There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
