My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
