out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
