im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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