It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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