true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
