We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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