I just cut my nipple shaving
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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