don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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