remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
