Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize