so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
