Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
