guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
