then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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