you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need a beard to bite.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
