i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
