It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize