A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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