i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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