There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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