he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
