um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
