you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
