Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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