I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
