I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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