i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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