Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
