god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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