I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
