So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize