I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
