It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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