So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
