Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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