There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
