Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
