I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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