Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
