so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
