At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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