no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
