I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
