wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
