i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize