ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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