She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
