she woke up with a sticky ear
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
