The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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