This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
