turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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