She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize