It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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